In Which I am Honest

This whole year has been autumn for me.

I used to think trees were innocent bystanders. I thought they stood tall: strong but sad, as their beautiful leaves were felled by a wind they could not control. I thought I was a tree.

Just recently I learned that trees are active participants in their loss. They close themselves off (by base instinct or the created order of things) to the leaves adorning them. It's only after the leaves are dead that they fall. And why are the leaves dead? Because the tree itself has killed them.

As I ponder this, I come to the conclusion that I must be only a branch. Jesus, my tree, has all authority and dominion. There will be seasons when I, his branch and his darling, can only watch and pray for mercy as my leaves (what once were beautiful, vibrant leaves) change...die. And they fall.

Does a branch feel anger? Pain? I cannot say, but for my part I do. What profound loss I've felt this year. I find myself clinging to the remaining leaves pleading No, Not This! No More! But I'm watching the maple tree outside my window, dying leaves jostled by the relentless wind, and I hear my Friend whisper to me "If they did not fall, the tree would not survive the winter. Let them go."

What season, then, is upon me? What is it that He prepares me for so painfully and yet so gently? It's a strange truth, this: that to live, we must die. To thrive, we must lose. To know peace, we turn not to our florid leaves, but to our trunk: Our Father.

And those very leaves, in the beauty of their deaths, coat the ground. In their demise, they prepare the soil, filling it with nutrients which filter back to the tree. The tree will flourish because of them. Out of death, life. And so it goes.

Here, perhaps, is where my tender metaphor breaks down: I don't want Him to take them all. By His grace and mercy I believe that some will be left: companions and treasures for the seasons to come. I hold on gratefully to those, knowing what it is I have lost, and why. I pour my precious resources into them, believing that this, This, is the day the Lord has made.

You will see me in the spring. I'll be covered in vibrant green leaves, without a care in the world to speak of. But, like the red maple before me, I will know what it is that brought me to that bounteous table.

From death to beautiful life,
Lord Jesus, have mercy.

Abide.

 

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples."

 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love.  I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.  You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.  This is my command: Love each other." John 15: 1-17

{Beautiful photos so graciously supplied by Kelly at Kelly Alese Photography}